Panadian Cassport

Yes, it is the totally talented Office Female #2, again! A serial killer of the lovely language, English. Reflecting on the lofty level of vampire violence she does to speaking the Victorian Vernacular, she should be guilty of grammar-genocide. She was just telling me about this frivolous fille who only married a mean man because he had a Panadian Cassport!

Friends Who Come Shopping

A naked and hungry fridge stood whingeing in my kitchen after a marauding cousin’s visit. I made my woozy protests here. Office Female #1 and I were Texas-bragging today about the newfangled gizmos we each had at home. After tidily trapping me to name all the thriftless, twentieth-century toys that I did not truly own, she laughed and teased that I’d obviously not heard about the quickly-coming concept of going shopping in a friend’s house.

Talk Airtime

Office Female Number Two
Gets more confused than me and you

She buys airtime for her cell phone
While reviewing a corporate loan

She lifts the handset to the land line
With dialogue, she tries to combine

We thought she was going to make a call
But what came next was a shock to all

One by one, the buttons are hit
She 'loads' the land phone with call credit!

Life – Breast-Savers

Breasts save lives. It’s official, oddly enough. It wafts from the wonderful WHO. Okay, when I walked the wickedly-promising article, it was tediously talking up the breastfeeding of babies; it may save their lives in medical emergencies. But I failed to glean those paediatrics from glancing at the caption (or did I pretend?). I was foraging for proof positive that the liberal, gleeful, dealing in breastices, by adults, would soundly secure safety or satisfaction in other urgencies. But, I’m just senseless silly. But am I the only one? Did you realise that the title of this post should properly be: Breasts – Lifesavers?

Knowing Mensah

Friend: Wow, 10 years! Thought you'd never come back to your wife!
The Man: I said I'd come back, didn't I?

Friend: Yes, you did. Are you really back to stay?
The Man: That I am, after all, I've seen it all!

Friend: So, what have you seen?
The Man: Bush the Second and Obama; the Statue of Liberty!

Friend: Impressive. But, do you know Mensah?
The Man: Listen, I've even had tea with Gordon Brown; met the Dalai Lama!

Friend: But, do you know Mensah?
The Man: What don't you get? I've met Nobel Prize winners and Hollywood Stars!

Friend: And, yet, you don't even know Mensah!
The Man: Who the hell is Mensah?

Friend: Your wife's lover for the past 10 years! You haven't seen it all, have you?

The Greatest Pain of All

Setting: In a commuter bus...

Woman #1: We suffer the worst pain...

Woman #2: The men have all the fun with us...

Woman #1: Then, they get up and go...

Woman #2: And there's the birth thing...

(A man turns around, irritated by their chatter)

Man: Don't be silly. Have you ever sat on your balls?

My Personal Postscript: Have you ever had blue balls :(

Restroom Revulsions

Museum moments in a public restroom. A prehistoric idiot is ‘fossiled’ in a cave cubicle, doing necessity number 2, and rudely receiving a phone call at the same sordid time! A stone-age dolt shuffles in. He accomplishes necessity number 1 in short seconds, and swings straight for the exit. As he rounds the doorway, he wipes what would be wetness on his charcoal trousers!

I – My Favourite Word

I’ve been browsing one of Oxford’s dictionaries. It makes a big front of “over 183,500 British and American words, phrases and meanings”, plus other cultural words. I’ve been mulling: what is my darling, dashing word? Besides the endearing meaning (e.g. Love, Baby, Babe, Money, Girl), I have loved words which choose the letters “L”, “R” and “S” (e.g. Relish, Lily, Silver, Riddle, Silk). But, when I really think of it, and my endless need to self-express, my dearest syllable is “I”.

The One Who Makes You Happy

There is no single sensation called ‘Love’. This is the cupid-conquering carrot that fellow-blogger KFC defiantly dangled before me this morning. My fair feeling is he’s ringing right in many muddled ways, for love lavishes dissimilar favours on its smitten saints. But his maxim’s miles away from engraved-in-stone. I awoke with ‘weally wunnerful’ happiness today! And when I think of who I was thinking of, I know that the one you truly love is the one who makes you happy.

My Husband is Here 5

All At Once

She takes to gathering evidence
Of marital offence
The remnants of protected sex
Condoms enough to vex

She goes to confront him at work
To make him a public jerk
But as she scolds him openly
Two people zoom in slowly

The secretary her husband shags
His best friend "who always brags"
The same 'friend' with whom she cheats
And this the tale completes!

My Husband is Here 4

Closet Doubts

Three days and nights sail slowly by
They do not even try
The smoke and clouds swirl all about
There're closets full of doubt

He thinks she'll break and confess all
But she continues to stall
Will he explain the sudden limp -
Why he walks like a chimp?

My Husband is Here 3

The Return

He creeps back up into the bed
Nothing at all is said
He might as well be with a wall
She does not move at all

She feels him move behind her back
She's eager to attack
But she does not feel faultless tonight
She has just lost the right

My Husband is Here 2

Dread

He picks his crocked waist off the floor
And crawls towards the door
One thousand questions maul his mind
What excuse can he find?

Back in the room upstairs she wakes
But, still asleep, she fakes
She needs some time to understand
Th'embarrassment at hand.

My Husband is Here 1

The Jump

A man sleeps with his own dear wife
It is the peaceful life
Then, in a horrible nightmare
She screams, "my husband's here"

He shoots up in a mouse panic
And darts, his clothes, to pick
And then he vaults through the window
He hits the ground below

Kiddo Convo

I have kept the candid company of Tender Age, Youth and Twilight Years. I have heard each category’s care-less chatter. It’s dropped my jaw since juvenile to jack into all this jol talk that does not seem to mature. We always talk a jugful about other people’s business. Even when we juggle the more solemn subjects, what we say and how we say it does not ‘sophisticate’ with age.

Trading Secrets

We all nurse secrets. But there are a piddling, picayune few of them which need not be secrets, when we really think about it. I am about to share one with you, and I invite you to get one of such fiddlesticks off your own small One-Person's-Chest with a pshaw!



Three times in my three decades, the girl I was in loco love with was my cousin! All three times, reason reigned, and the fledgling flower was stopped pre-blossom. But I have always asked if reason really won.

One Million Dollars

You have one million dollars
But cannot spend two thirds
Except on common collars
Would it be on priests, dogs or shirts?

The First Thing I Remember

My maiden memory of life is of my brothers and I silhouetted outdoors, and stargazing on a dark night, and then scuttling up the dark stairway in the 'TV House' in Kumasi with 'Champion' the beautiful, big, brown-and-white dog. What's yours?

Loving Marion

Suddenly, I love Marion! I’m taken with her, enamoured, besotted. I carry a torch for every cutesy bit of her sleek, metallic sexiness. I divined this unthinkable, until Hades frosted over, when I reluctantly let darling Maxine go. But, like Maxine, Marion is a fastidiously faithful girl, once she warms her trust to you; and if you treat her really right. And, lately, there must be something sublime about the gorgeous girl, for people have uttered such great fancies about her, and that has tenderly turned me around.

Vanessa on my Mind

A rare Sunday find
One of her kind
Couldn't leave her behind
Beauty that will blind
My vow is undermined
Vanessa on my mind