The Greatest Pain of All

Setting: In a commuter bus...

Woman #1: We suffer the worst pain...

Woman #2: The men have all the fun with us...

Woman #1: Then, they get up and go...

Woman #2: And there's the birth thing...

(A man turns around, irritated by their chatter)

Man: Don't be silly. Have you ever sat on your balls?

My Personal Postscript: Have you ever had blue balls :(

Restroom Revulsions

Museum moments in a public restroom. A prehistoric idiot is ‘fossiled’ in a cave cubicle, doing necessity number 2, and rudely receiving a phone call at the same sordid time! A stone-age dolt shuffles in. He accomplishes necessity number 1 in short seconds, and swings straight for the exit. As he rounds the doorway, he wipes what would be wetness on his charcoal trousers!

I – My Favourite Word

I’ve been browsing one of Oxford’s dictionaries. It makes a big front of “over 183,500 British and American words, phrases and meanings”, plus other cultural words. I’ve been mulling: what is my darling, dashing word? Besides the endearing meaning (e.g. Love, Baby, Babe, Money, Girl), I have loved words which choose the letters “L”, “R” and “S” (e.g. Relish, Lily, Silver, Riddle, Silk). But, when I really think of it, and my endless need to self-express, my dearest syllable is “I”.

The One Who Makes You Happy

There is no single sensation called ‘Love’. This is the cupid-conquering carrot that fellow-blogger KFC defiantly dangled before me this morning. My fair feeling is he’s ringing right in many muddled ways, for love lavishes dissimilar favours on its smitten saints. But his maxim’s miles away from engraved-in-stone. I awoke with ‘weally wunnerful’ happiness today! And when I think of who I was thinking of, I know that the one you truly love is the one who makes you happy.

My Husband is Here 5

All At Once

She takes to gathering evidence
Of marital offence
The remnants of protected sex
Condoms enough to vex

She goes to confront him at work
To make him a public jerk
But as she scolds him openly
Two people zoom in slowly

The secretary her husband shags
His best friend "who always brags"
The same 'friend' with whom she cheats
And this the tale completes!

My Husband is Here 4

Closet Doubts

Three days and nights sail slowly by
They do not even try
The smoke and clouds swirl all about
There're closets full of doubt

He thinks she'll break and confess all
But she continues to stall
Will he explain the sudden limp -
Why he walks like a chimp?

My Husband is Here 3

The Return

He creeps back up into the bed
Nothing at all is said
He might as well be with a wall
She does not move at all

She feels him move behind her back
She's eager to attack
But she does not feel faultless tonight
She has just lost the right

My Husband is Here 2

Dread

He picks his crocked waist off the floor
And crawls towards the door
One thousand questions maul his mind
What excuse can he find?

Back in the room upstairs she wakes
But, still asleep, she fakes
She needs some time to understand
Th'embarrassment at hand.

My Husband is Here 1

The Jump

A man sleeps with his own dear wife
It is the peaceful life
Then, in a horrible nightmare
She screams, "my husband's here"

He shoots up in a mouse panic
And darts, his clothes, to pick
And then he vaults through the window
He hits the ground below

Kiddo Convo

I have kept the candid company of Tender Age, Youth and Twilight Years. I have heard each category’s care-less chatter. It’s dropped my jaw since juvenile to jack into all this jol talk that does not seem to mature. We always talk a jugful about other people’s business. Even when we juggle the more solemn subjects, what we say and how we say it does not ‘sophisticate’ with age.

Trading Secrets

We all nurse secrets. But there are a piddling, picayune few of them which need not be secrets, when we really think about it. I am about to share one with you, and I invite you to get one of such fiddlesticks off your own small One-Person's-Chest with a pshaw!



Three times in my three decades, the girl I was in loco love with was my cousin! All three times, reason reigned, and the fledgling flower was stopped pre-blossom. But I have always asked if reason really won.

One Million Dollars

You have one million dollars
But cannot spend two thirds
Except on common collars
Would it be on priests, dogs or shirts?

The First Thing I Remember

My maiden memory of life is of my brothers and I silhouetted outdoors, and stargazing on a dark night, and then scuttling up the dark stairway in the 'TV House' in Kumasi with 'Champion' the beautiful, big, brown-and-white dog. What's yours?

Loving Marion

Suddenly, I love Marion! I’m taken with her, enamoured, besotted. I carry a torch for every cutesy bit of her sleek, metallic sexiness. I divined this unthinkable, until Hades frosted over, when I reluctantly let darling Maxine go. But, like Maxine, Marion is a fastidiously faithful girl, once she warms her trust to you; and if you treat her really right. And, lately, there must be something sublime about the gorgeous girl, for people have uttered such great fancies about her, and that has tenderly turned me around.

Vanessa on my Mind

A rare Sunday find
One of her kind
Couldn't leave her behind
Beauty that will blind
My vow is undermined
Vanessa on my mind

Agreementual

Fellow human, scoff at the Matrix movies and the I-Robot because the machines will never come near to taking over the world.

Office Female #2 was reviewing a document in which the ally expressions ‘Contract’ and ‘Agreement’ had been alternated carelessly. She activated ‘Find and Replace’, and simply substituted every ‘Contract’ with ‘Agreement’. Then she triggered ‘Spell Check’ to finish it all off.

The crying changes had been made all right, but imagine our six-figure surprise when she discovered that the word ‘Contractual’ had been foolishly converted to ‘Agreementual’! What word is that? The miserable machines will not be taking over! They’re just not that smart.

Trick Call Exposed

THE END

He hobbles back into the car
His home now seems so far
The long drive back is Scheming Time
Revenge for her cruel crime

Back home, he hears sweet shower sounds -
His woman unannounced?
He draws the curtain to one side -
A man douches his bride

Trick Call Resolution

With raw intent he'd dumped his clothes
And shown her all his growths
She had not been way too impressed
Below his barrel chest

She'd only wanted skin cuddling
And not the whole-hog thing
"If that is why you drove this way,
You shall not get a lay!"

Trick Call Reloaded

He turned around to face the door
His eyes glued to the floor
But if you think he was loathing
He was sooo not leaving

He fed his gaze on her nude frame
Delighted with her game
He took short steps towards her spot
Somewhere, he lost the plot

Trick Call

She called him at the mid of night
And whispered all in fright
She sobbed and begged him to get her
Ending in sigh and purr

He stopped a distance from her flat
I think he smelled a rat
He saw her smile when once inside
And knew that she had lied