Standing Again

It’s not been easy
It’s been hell
Raw emotions and the elements
You take me through
The fiery furnaces at the corners
The lava, gases and the deep-burning geyser
The rocks that support life
Cutting flesh wounds into me
Fills them with chippings and rare rock dust
Bits of me dry up
On the jagged edges
I’m plunged deep into
Black waveless water
Fish and sailors are long extinct
The water has turned into something
That will melt
I’m flung out and hurtled to the sky
To burn in the scorching sun
To be pecked by hungry birds
My skin is stretched over my bones
Tight like a banjo string
A spiraling black hole
Swallows me whole
It has no bottom or tangible walls
In shock my nerves feel like
Snakes inside me
If only they’d bite, my pain would stop
But I go on and on
The elements happened to me
And all emotions too
In just five seconds
The ground moved once and
I, will never stand again.

Pain and Breeze

Life is pain and little breeze
All deserve more than they get
Yet living’s beyond regret
Problem doors will all have keys
Happiness won’t come with ease

Being at peace with yourself
A conscience free from dark design
Is the elusive underline
The vain-vaunted fame and pelf
Can’t coax happiness off a shelf.

Secret Santa, Give Me a Pair of Socks!

Secret Santa:
Shoestring budget of 10 bucks (you said!)
You got your friend a pair of blue socks with sick grey stripes.
He moaned “I don’t get interesting presents anymore!”
You called his family and ‘curioused’ what he would like.
“Something artistic and unusual”, they hinted.
You found the task of looking way too difficult.
And having no sense of art in you...
So you got him a bum-boring gift.
He still wears them for an excuse to be rude.

Lingering Eyes

Babe, I'm so proud
That in every crowd
From face to little finger
All eyes, on you, linger

Pigeon English - Words with Wings

I wrote a blog post on Pidgin English the other day, and my office mates got to reading it. The Shona Mambo (mambo=prince) remarked that he thought the spelling was p-i-g-e-o-n, and he was bug-eyed for a wonder. The Malay Putri (putri=princess) sauntered in and exclaimed, “I thought it was spelt p-i-g-e-o-n! Why not p-i-g-e-o-n?” The Viscount of the Volta answered, “Because it cannot really fly!”

Me and You

We go away today
To a place where we can play
It will not matter who
Or where or what we do
As long as it's me and you

Mof Touch

Cally and I were getting an emergency haircut at “B Fine” Saloon, near the Red Lobster Restaurant, in kiosk-cramped Madina. The Barber (I forget his name) was a cool kind of guy who was trying to be “one of us”. When Cally was done and came out with a shiny, clear, coconut, Barber asked Cally if he would like the “MOF TOUCH”. In Ghanaian Pidgin English, Mof = Mouth. His English is patently self-taught. I laughed so hard that the end-to-end mirror began to rattle. I did not have the heart to tell him he really meant to say MOUSTACHE.

The Ghana Police Academy Instruction Manual

Introduction

In your secondary schools, you had formal learning. You also learned through the informal system. Your informal-system knowledge is what distinguished you as a product of your school, and made Achimota, Wesley Girls, Adisadel, Aburi Girls, Mfantsipim, Holy Child, etc. what they are.

This instruction manual recognises that (since you have likely not made it to some higher education) your chances of sitting in a comfortable office, making phone calls to your bank to make big dollar-cheque transfers are slim. We, your officers, are condescending to give you a head start on how to survive in the world out there, if your training does not kill you.

It should come as no surprise that we will deal with FINANCE in chapter one, while the unsuspecting civilian population whose taxes pay for our training and, later, our salaries, think that our primary concern is with SECURITY, LAW and ORDER. If you feel guilty here, close this book and walk away from the Academy. If it helps, remember all those civilians who are calling their bank managers right now!

Harassing motorists is the easiest way to earn about ten times more than your salary. The steps are simple:

i. Insist that they roll down the window;
ii. Make sure they roll it all the way down to give you enough space to poke your hand in there;
iii. Say “good evening”, “welcome” and “how was work”;
iv. Stretch out your hand and shake hands (research proves that they will feel that they owe you something, once you are nice and you shake hands with them);
v. Quickly take the money they give you and wave them on;
vi. Repeat the procedure with the next car.

Now, about security, ...

Shoe in the Rectum

Amazing scenes and memorial sound bites are seen and heard every now and then in the office. Take last week Friday, for example – a female colleague was feisty in making herself a lightsome nuisance. While it was all tricksy-and-rollicking, I was prospecting for a withering remark to make her wilt. One by one, office mates dropped in the room, and, when we got the perfect-size audience, my one-liner came.

I menaced to impale her on the tip of my shoe by way of her rectum. She countered my hollow hectoring by covering her backside with her hand. Then the whole room burst out laughing. I do not know where else this could have happened. I love those guys there, and won’t exchange them for any others.

Public Pit-Sniffing

I was midday-monkeying-about with colleagues, at lunch, in our upper floor, in a public building. Through the window, we espied down below, a frowsy female raising her arms to sniff her pits, distastefully thrice, the moment she came out of the public toilets. As if that was not entertainment enough, she savoured a whiff of her probably-unwashed fingers, nauseating us to numbness, as she walked to join her group.

Diligence & Negligence

Due diligence
at Work
=
Undue negligence
of Blog

I am sorry!

Sense-less Sunday

Today,
I saw ...
Nobody!

The only allowed ...
Sounds
Were ...

The humming fridge,

The buzzing fan,

The dripping tap,

The swishing scrubbing brush,

The droning night mozzy.

The only permitted ...
Space ...
The void of your absence

Today,
I was ...
Nobody!

Heartbeat for ?????

?????, be mine, be mine!
If you feel the sparks fly too
And you sleep on thorny nights
Be mine, please be mine!
Wars and history have their place
And I showed an ugly face
When I had your first love, first grace
Turn time around and be mine!
Give me the crystals in your eyes
Let me own your heart once more
In the attic of your soul
Remember our stars in the sky
Be completely mine!
?????, ?????, my ?????
Your heart and soul are warm for me
And your secret smile says so
And how lovely you keep for me
Denies the murmurs in your mind
You feel it, say you’re mine!
I could say I love you
And waste a perfect thing with words
You own me, take me, take me!
My first, last and always
My pain, my smile, my warmth
????? … ????? … ?????
Be mine, mine, forever!

Fallen Angels

They woke up
They held out their wings
Stilled their hearts
And gave off a pure glow

They cast their eyes about
They found free fault
Told of the better life
And promised to help

Then they spread their wings
And they became men
They felt a new thrill
And wanted to know

They heard the screams
They felt the chains shatter
Let loose in lightning bolts
And made the rain come down

They found the silence sweet
They drifted through the deeps
Lost their wings, found their legs
And the Angels had fallen.

The Pastry War

Daddy, Daddy
Why is my name so small
When that should not be
Seeing I’m not so tall?

With such a little name
No matter what I do
I will not see the fame
The Incas brought Peru

And with my frame so slight
Whatever could I build
And are my chances bright
That the neighbours would be thrilled?

And though I’m all of four
I’ve never had a girl
And when the men went to war
I was my mother’s furl

I cannot buy a beer
Or drive our old car
For the police would be here
To take me away from Ma

Well, well my little man
In truth your name is small
But being the best you can
Is quite a different ball

As for your little name
Many with a longer one
Heightened their country’s shame
Even in the Andes sun

You sure are rather frail
But show me a neighbour’s son
Who would not, hopefully, pale
On seeing your medals won

I know you’re only four
Girls come at ten-and-eight
As for the pastry war
You conquered many a plate

Some things you cannot do
There soon will come an age
When nothing will stop you
But you must go through each stage.

The Indignity of a Well-Ironed Shirt

Just press out the spider creases, no fancy stuff. I do not want my shirt to be fed fat with carbohydrate, and then braised, before I wear it. I would rather die than let people see me in the hard-crust, self-standing, chopping-board charade. Plus, the custard-smooth facade, the prime-meridian sleeve lines and the collar counting-down-to-lift-off would only make me out to be a dandified fraud.

Oneiroraptor

Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh
Wax-padded paws
A wet, soft slither
The click of ivory claws
Rank-reeking rigor
Flaming founts for eyes
A hunch, a pounce, a hole!
The dream, the soul, is stole!
It hounds the hideous heart
It crawls the creepy crypt
It stalks the slumber store
Then, turn to tender thoughts
And warm the cockles of your heart
For at the witching hour
W-h-o-o-s-h, w-h-o-o-s-h-, w-h-o-o-s-h
HUMPH! ONEIRORAPTOR!

We All Want an Easy Life

We all want an easy life
A rich and charming man or wife
To wake up to their purring kiss
A bank account that’s fat and Swiss
A tropical island’s holiday (each year)
An answer every time we pray
Lives of fame and autographs
Gardens of orchids and giraffes
We want to stay young forever
Me, you, Tracy and Trevor

The little things that bring us smiles
Are worth more than gold by miles
The sun that’s shining high and bright
Warm milk before we say good night
The loving hugs we get from friends
A broken heart after it mends
A bird that sends its love in droppings
The magical moment we exchange rings
To say sorry on bended knee
And the fact that love’s for free.

A Little

A little love in every heart
That’s just the starting part

A little dream in happy sleep
Teaches to love in deep

A little kiss when come the flaws
Will keep away divorce

A little smile at piercing eyes
Will melt to water the ice

A little strength in troubled times
Will warm the chilly climes.

Where Two Hearts Meet

There is a place, and a time, and a way
Where two hearts meet, where they play
And there, it all falls in like the rain
No matter your desire, it must feel right
There is a world for only two, the chosen two
They find it once, there’re no mistakes
It comes with fear and great passion
It never goes away, so we decide

I found a heart, in my heart, it was your heart
Some dreams have wings; I played the part
Here, it did not fall, but it poured
For you, how did it feel, I want to know?
And are you scared, what owns your mind?
And sometimes it does feel strange, does feel strong
For not being spooked, I kiss your hand
For being just you, I like you so

There’re no promises, no conscience
Just knowing that you are there, forever!