Wednesday, March 4, 2009

The Ghana Police Academy Instruction Manual


In your secondary schools, you had formal learning. You also learned through the informal system. Your informal-system knowledge is what distinguished you as a product of your school, and made Achimota, Wesley Girls, Adisadel, Aburi Girls, Mfantsipim, Holy Child, etc. what they are.

This instruction manual recognises that (since you have likely not made it to some higher education) your chances of sitting in a comfortable office, making phone calls to your bank to make big dollar-cheque transfers are slim. We, your officers, are condescending to give you a head start on how to survive in the world out there, if your training does not kill you.

It should come as no surprise that we will deal with FINANCE in chapter one, while the unsuspecting civilian population whose taxes pay for our training and, later, our salaries, think that our primary concern is with SECURITY, LAW and ORDER. If you feel guilty here, close this book and walk away from the Academy. If it helps, remember all those civilians who are calling their bank managers right now!

Harassing motorists is the easiest way to earn about ten times more than your salary. The steps are simple:

i. Insist that they roll down the window;
ii. Make sure they roll it all the way down to give you enough space to poke your hand in there;
iii. Say “good evening”, “welcome” and “how was work”;
iv. Stretch out your hand and shake hands (research proves that they will feel that they owe you something, once you are nice and you shake hands with them);
v. Quickly take the money they give you and wave them on;
vi. Repeat the procedure with the next car.

Now, about security, ...


  1. Gee NY,
    Perfect wickedness!
    As you have implied, the mastery of the tricks needed to suck up money from long-suffering motorists is the sole skill the men and women in black bother to learn.
    Wish I could send a copy to the HQ of Ghana Police. I bet The IGP and her cadres will not be happy that you have a copy of the top secret instruction manual!

  2. interesting....

  3. I bet you're right, Posie :), they will not be happy at all!

  4. I'm curious to know what the Ghana Law School Manual is? I bet you know someone who can help us with that...

  5. Oh, NK, my usual sources inform me that the Ghana School of Law Manual is pretty regular. What you will expect from a top-drawer law school. (May I take my tongue out of my cheek now?)

  6. Oh Nana, give something small for the brotherman. It is an incentice in hell!

  7. Penny, Oh I give, I give, I give. I feel compelled to give! That's why I wrote this protest.

  8. This comment has been removed by the author.

  9. Excellent one Nana Yaw...would love to see the Ghana Retail Customer Service Instruction manual. I pretty sure there is a clause in the manual that states that there is an inverse correlation between the amount of melanin that the customer has and the respect you accord the customer. Pretty sure!

  10. I know, Aby. Maybe you should write out the manual. Would be a great read.

    I never quite understood the over-respect of the teint claire (hope I got the french right).

  11. *LOL* Would love to take up the challenge Nana Yaw but alas, work is actually putting a damper on my procrastinatory ways!

  12. LOL. They never say "Brotha, Do christmas for me na?"
    I love the format you used to convey this message!

  13. Thanks, Adaeze, and welcome back. You were missed!


After writing your comment, please select the Name/URL box below, and write your name in the box, before submitting your comment.