Where’s the Cheap Telecom Rates You Promised?

In the city of Accra, they promised candy-coin rates for telephone and internet use. They guaranteed that this nirvana would ‘snow’ on us with several network providers. We should have known from ‘snow’. We’ve waited for two years and more. The phone and ‘net’ budget is still running deep in citizen coffers. They play pretend-promotions and scrimp prizes you’ve paid for anyway through your bills. If you wanted a car or a phone or a paid dinner somewhere, you would have known where to go to.

(Picture credit - en.wikipedia.org)

Africa’s Dictators-in-Waiting

You brood of venomous vipers! How can you criticise the never-going leaders, when you yourselves have dominated the opposition for 20 years without letting new blood in? Wouldn’t you also (have) become stone statues in power?

How can there be only 1 person fit to govern or oppose out of millions. May whatever it was that exterminated the dinosaurs wipe you out – both the never-going leaders and the dictators-in-waiting who will become leaders who never go.

Disarming Mad Men with Weapons

A mentally deranged man stormed into a Takoradi hospital ER brandishing a machete. People ran helter-skelter. After many minutes, a brave youth faced down the aggressor with a cudgel. So, mentally deranged persons may be violent. Now wait for this. The police arrived at the hospital ten minutes late and “appealed to the public to always join forces to apprehend mentally deranged persons who might confront them in their vicinities with dangerous weapons before harm is caused.” 

The Demographics of Paedophilia in Ghana

Isn’t it strange that most of the men accused (and convicted) of sexual offences against children are block-layers, carpenters, farm-hands and mechanics? A new strain is pastors. What do you think? Are they victims themselves? Or...

The Dead among the Living in the City of Accra

How a private funeral parlour came to be knocked together in an upper middle class residential neighbourhood roundly reflects all that is awfully amiss with Ghanaian society. (See here)

The delay by the city authorities to dispose of this deathly delict foreshadows why we might as well all be dead just like the cadaver sleeping in the morgue. Nothing is changing here.

Language as a Tool for Cultural Domination

The Danger of Not Knowing Implied Meanings

King v Chief

Political leader of an identifiable European people (=nation) – King

Political leader of identifiable non-European people (=nation) – Chief

Priest v Fetish (Priest)

Religious leader of European creed – Priest

Religious leader on non-European creed – Fetish (priest)

Nation v Tribe

3 Million Welsh = Nation

5 Million Norwegians = Nation

10 Million Belgians = Nation

16 Million Dutch = Nation

25 Million Igbo = Tribe!

Icon v Idol

Deceased, revered European/Caucasian person – Icon

Deceased revered non-European/Caucasian person – Idol

Discovery of Lands

Amerigo Vespucci ‘discovered’ America. The full subconscious meaning: Amerigo Vespucci discovered America [for the human race]. What? The real Americans living there (and they’re not Indian) were not human?

I won’t  even talk about Christopher Columbus, Marco Polo or Mungo Park.

Black

Blackmail, Blackguard, Blacklist, Black mark, Black market, Black mass, Black sheep, etc.

Be careful what you learn. Teach your children. Let them avoid the inferiority meme.

Ghana’s Feckless Football Flops

I tell you, you must have proven intellectual or mental ability in order to successfully manage a government, a business, a project, an office or even a football team. Achieving more-than-fifty-percent successful outcomes doesn’t come from natural skill, former success, glib talk or pointless nationalism.

Therefore, the old Ghanaian footballers who have retired and cannot point to one successful business, or project or social campaign or coaching should shut the frigging, fetid, frigid F up and leave the national football team to proven performers be they Polish, Polynesian, Tasmanian or Tajik.

It takes supreme self-discipline to be empty and not make noise!

FOR THE RECORD, CITIZENSHIP IS NOT ENOUGH QUALIFICATION FOR ANYTHING! 

Owor Mpo Wo Girl*

A nugget I stumbled upon today. A bus-load of young agriculturists was on a field trip. They got to gang-teasing one of the boys about being single. Apparently, he could not talk to a girl. They said, “Owor mpo wo girl na wo” (to wit: even a snake has a girl; poor you).

I wondered how they knew that even a snake had a girl? Then the answer bit me at the heels - haven’t you ever seen a baby snake?

(Picture credit - radio-weblogs.com)

*Even a snake has a girl.

Teacher is Hanging

A teacher is playing Verb-Charades with his eight-year old pupils. He goes down on all fours, and they shout, “Teacher is crawling, teacher is crawling.”

He gets up off his hands and they scream, “Teacher is crouching, teacher is crouching.”

He stands up, and they yell, “Teacher is standing, teacher is standing.”

He starts bobbing on the spot, and they call out, “Teacher is jumping, teacher is jumping.”

From here, things take a macabre turn. The passion of the moment seizes the teacher, and he feels he must outdo himself to please his pupils. He puts a table in the middle of the classroom, just under the fan. Take stands on it and takes off his belt. He makes a noose and puts it around his neck.

As the teacher mimics a hanging man, the pupils break into the refrain, “Teacher is hanging, teacher is hanging.”

The teacher starts to dance to the rhythm of the pupils’ chants. He sways this way and that. He gyrates a bit too hard, and the table collapses under his feet. The children love it – their teacher can act so real!

Outside in the other classrooms, the teachers become a bit worried. The refrain, “Teacher is hanging” has been going on for ten minutes, and the devilment of the pupils is rising into a frenzy.

“Teacher is hanging, teacher is hanging”

When the other teachers run into the classroom, the teacher hangs dead from the ceiling fan!

(Picture credit - blogs.pitch.com)

Off-Screen Rivalry in the City of Accra (1)

Unhealthy rivalry can be wholesome. I see it unfolding in the movie industry. On their birthday, each ‘star’ adopts a charity to splurge on. Then, Affronted-Next-Friend-Competitor floors, licks and outshines them on their birthday. At the end of each year, the orphans savoured a banquet, the lepers were doted on in a day, and the rural kids relished a pledged, newly built classroom block.

Will the celebs continue one-upping one another next year, and the next, and the next? Why won’t one of them pay off the debt of the Tema Oil Refinery? Why won’t a second finish the Accra-Kumasi Road? Why won’t a third fix the inter-city rail that we so need in Accra? They believe that they have the clout to pull it off, no?

Anti-Farting Laws

So there’s a bill in parliament making ‘fouling the air’ an offence. One senior judge thinks it means go to the toilet if you need to “pui” or “tui” or “fuish”. Another thinks it simply is against air pollution. I say it even extends to dirty and smelly clothes and armpits (in the cities). However, this debate is very far away from Ghana. What do you think about this?

(Picture credit - munfitnessblog.com)

I've Fallen in Love... Times

Sunset at Worli Sea Face

How many times have I been in love? Let me see. Not counting yesterday's sunset, Lil Girl, Manchester United and Marion, 1000 times.

You?

Movie Production Cartels in Ghana and Nigeria

Movie producers in the 2 countries are trying to regulate the movie industry. As part of the plan, they want to control and moderate the number of actors from each country who feature in the flicks produced in the other. They have formed cartels, and they blacklist and ban any producer or actor who flouts their guidelines. These guidelines include getting a permit of a sort to work on movie sets in the other country. I’m not talking about the legal requirement of a work permit – the producers have their own additional permit. It is protectionism, right? But the producers in either country support it wholly, and even collaborate to enforce these restrictions. I guess if an actor is banned in both countries, they can move to Uganda.

V & S Blogger

Violence and Sex! Apparently that’s all I write about. Just kidding. Enyonam called me out for this 'award' – Versatile and Stylish Blogger. The crown fits with difficulty, but my thanks are sincere.

The rules say to tell 7 things about myself and to pass on the award to another 15. I can find 7 things to confess, but I don’t know if I can sincerely point to only15 bloggers – I am positive there are 200 with style in Ghana alone. I ordinarily wouldn't play this chain email/post game, but I can make an exception for the Diva.

7 Things

1 – I get angry everyday

2 – I dream everyday of flying by simply flapping my arms

3 – I eat very little and sleep even less

4 – I believe in systems and formulae for everything we do

5 – I’m afraid of standing out in excellence

6 – I’m crazy about ‘breastices’

7 – I dream of wild fame (funny considering my point # 5)

15! Hmmm!

1 – Muse

2 – Nash

3 – Nana Fredua

4 – Kwegyirba

5 – Myne Whitman

6 - Muze

7 – Kitchen Floor Cockroach

8 – Mr Knight

9 – Ms Understood

10 – Nana Darkoa

11 – Esi (of course)

12 – Nana Kofi Acquaah

13 – Ato KD

14 – Kajsa

15 – Daixy

The Failure of the Cashless Society in Ghana

Money is dangerous ... to carry. You could lose it, or lose your life over it, right? So the Bank of Ghana introduced a debit card that you could ‘load with your money’ and use for all transactions. Ain’t that cute? But it failed.

Why did it fail? Culture!

Many years ago in Europe, the currency was gold. Then bankers came up. They took in your gold  and wrote an acknowledgement on paper, and a promise to give back your gold whenever you presented your IOU. Because the IOU was backed by gold, traders accepted it as payment for goods and services. That paper evolved into cash.

After the Colonialist has taught the Ghanaian to accept paper in place of cowries or shells or cola as money, somebody gets up and says let’s now use plastic. We will put all your money on the plastic and you can pay for anything with it. I look at my wad of 1000 Cedis and wonder how you can put it all on a little plastic card. No Sire, I beg your pardon.

So the card failed. Many have one in their pocket. It’s as light as the wind and as empty as a vacuum. Next time anybody wants to change a system of doing things, let them not ignore history and culture. Smh.

(Picture Credit - Countingoncurrency.com)

We Used to Learn by Playing

In these our lands, many years ago, we used to learn by playing. Through song and dance and theatrics, we learnt what was relevant for our circumstances then. 

When the colonialists came to inflict their cut of formal education on Africa, we left the fun behind. Classrooms are rigid, sterile, solemn spaces, rewarding routine and culling creativity. The youth only disport in nursery school or after school. 

We grow up maybe smart but certainly unimaginative, uninventive, uninspired. Just for example, we have windy plains aplenty and a brilliance of nuclear sun all year, but we’re short on energy and everything else. The former colonialists are increasing the play in their learning – the way we used to do many years ago in these our precious lands.

(Picture credit - tobeworldwide.org)

When is Sexual Harassment True – Or False?

Suddenly, sexual harassment claims are flying about in the media. Each complaint is by a woman against a man. It makes one wonder many things. Is it all true? Are there so many male bastards out there? Are the women now sprouting a voice? Are the men innocent? Is the allegation of sexual harassment becoming a new tool of oppression by women against men?

Too Kind to be a Judge

What did I overhear in a court today? Rumours that the judge in a motor offences court was transferred to some backwoods because she was too lenient to a particular offender.

Fat Women with Big Baw-Taws in Ghana

“He’s very fat, and I’m also fat. I can never like him. We fat women, we don’t like fat men, we like slim men. I am not just fat, I am shapely – Coca Cola – with big baw-taws; and, in Africa, men always worry women like me.”

Say what? Fat women prefer slim men? And men always badger women with big baw-taws? Hmm. It’s a serious allegation of sexual harassment by a woman against her former boss. And she said something like what’s above on radio. I shouldn’t trifle with it.

But, seriously, are there any truths in her statement about fat-women-and-slim-men? And do men hound and harry women-with-big-baw-taws any more than slender women or women with small ‘tings’? I want full-bodied comments with big baw-taws, I beg.

Sanitizers or No-Handshakes in the City of Accra

Toyota Avensis – you know the first generation patterned after a plastic Parker pen case. I saw a sparkling, sienna-lacquered Avensis rolling along the Independence Avenue this morning. I was craving-curious to see who its cultivated handler was. You don’t like to hear this said, but it was a swain in a suit, whose mug-shot exposed where he was reared - a place without grace or finish. I was beginning to feel guilty about my prejudice when, at the Akuafo Intersection, he plunged his index finger up his nose and foraged around his nares. So, I repeat with warrant – he looked and acted like a barbarian.

(Picture Credit - zazzle.com)