Friends Who Come Shopping

A naked and hungry fridge stood whingeing in my kitchen after a marauding cousin’s visit. I made my woozy protests here. Office Female #1 and I were Texas-bragging today about the newfangled gizmos we each had at home. After tidily trapping me to name all the thriftless, twentieth-century toys that I did not truly own, she laughed and teased that I’d obviously not heard about the quickly-coming concept of going shopping in a friend’s house.

Talk Airtime

Office Female Number Two
Gets more confused than me and you

She buys airtime for her cell phone
While reviewing a corporate loan

She lifts the handset to the land line
With dialogue, she tries to combine

We thought she was going to make a call
But what came next was a shock to all

One by one, the buttons are hit
She 'loads' the land phone with call credit!

Life – Breast-Savers

Breasts save lives. It’s official, oddly enough. It wafts from the wonderful WHO. Okay, when I walked the wickedly-promising article, it was tediously talking up the breastfeeding of babies; it may save their lives in medical emergencies. But I failed to glean those paediatrics from glancing at the caption (or did I pretend?). I was foraging for proof positive that the liberal, gleeful, dealing in breastices, by adults, would soundly secure safety or satisfaction in other urgencies. But, I’m just senseless silly. But am I the only one? Did you realise that the title of this post should properly be: Breasts – Lifesavers?

Knowing Mensah

Friend: Wow, 10 years! Thought you'd never come back to your wife!
The Man: I said I'd come back, didn't I?

Friend: Yes, you did. Are you really back to stay?
The Man: That I am, after all, I've seen it all!

Friend: So, what have you seen?
The Man: Bush the Second and Obama; the Statue of Liberty!

Friend: Impressive. But, do you know Mensah?
The Man: Listen, I've even had tea with Gordon Brown; met the Dalai Lama!

Friend: But, do you know Mensah?
The Man: What don't you get? I've met Nobel Prize winners and Hollywood Stars!

Friend: And, yet, you don't even know Mensah!
The Man: Who the hell is Mensah?

Friend: Your wife's lover for the past 10 years! You haven't seen it all, have you?

The Greatest Pain of All

Setting: In a commuter bus...

Woman #1: We suffer the worst pain...

Woman #2: The men have all the fun with us...

Woman #1: Then, they get up and go...

Woman #2: And there's the birth thing...

(A man turns around, irritated by their chatter)

Man: Don't be silly. Have you ever sat on your balls?

My Personal Postscript: Have you ever had blue balls :(

Restroom Revulsions

Museum moments in a public restroom. A prehistoric idiot is ‘fossiled’ in a cave cubicle, doing necessity number 2, and rudely receiving a phone call at the same sordid time! A stone-age dolt shuffles in. He accomplishes necessity number 1 in short seconds, and swings straight for the exit. As he rounds the doorway, he wipes what would be wetness on his charcoal trousers!

I – My Favourite Word

I’ve been browsing one of Oxford’s dictionaries. It makes a big front of “over 183,500 British and American words, phrases and meanings”, plus other cultural words. I’ve been mulling: what is my darling, dashing word? Besides the endearing meaning (e.g. Love, Baby, Babe, Money, Girl), I have loved words which choose the letters “L”, “R” and “S” (e.g. Relish, Lily, Silver, Riddle, Silk). But, when I really think of it, and my endless need to self-express, my dearest syllable is “I”.