Travel Warning – Ghana

No need to take too much care. In fact, you can nearly be reckless. It is still safer than most other countries. There are fewer attacks here. I have lived here all my life. I have not come within a country mile of being attacked by those undesirables. I’m talking about stray animals, ghosts, robbers, murderers and rapists in (con)descending order. So, please visit. It is warm (in people and weather) and as safe as a baby’s smile.

Sexuality in Football

African Women’s Football Championships. Equatorial Guinea quashes the Queens from Ghana. The Queens (beaten black-and-blue) impute titanic testosterone levels to ‘at least 3 members’ of the other team. You’d imagine they were ‘boobless’, pas-derriere, knobbly-kneed, square-jawed and slightly-too-smelly, marauding male beasts in the park.

I like women. I wish I could play with them all the time. Football, wrestling, swimming, rugby, badmingling – sorry badminton :-) - whatever. Equality. So 3 ’hangers’ featured in a game meant for ‘gapers’. Is that a problem? I’m not saying it wasn’t. Was that cheating? I am not saying it wasn’t. But I am not saying it was, either. I’m just wishing we could all play together.

Sexuality is insincere; a dubious construct. It’s just bodies. You brush against a part of mine, I rub against yours. The way the animals do. It’s nothing. We’re just playing. Bonding. Groping. Socializing. If we don’t elevate sexuality, then everything is fair game. It’s just bodies. Petty,  physical things.

Don’t Let Anger Ruin a Friendship.

My twin always preaches: “When you’re angry, what do you do? Nothing!” Last week, I fell out with a ‘Huckleberry Friend’. She skidded out of her way to make me feel bad. She said we’d parked out of ‘Friendship Zone’ to ‘Pure Professional Zone.’ I admit (ssshhh) that I was hurt. I thought to tell her which part of my shoes she could kiss. But, I did nothing. Over the weekend, while I was alone (and cruising in my prescribed professional zone) my phone beeped. It was my ‘Huckleberry Friend’. She asked if I was home and resting. She said she’d see me on Monday. With those two lines, we were all Tom-and-Huck again. I am glad that I did nothing. I have my friend back. Driving in ‘Friendship Zone’ is a bit start-and-stop right now, but the engine will warm up soon, and oil all the moving parts. Friends are forever.

Remembering Club Citro

A fizzy, clear, citrus cordial in a 150-ml bottle, sold in the ‘80s, retired in the ‘90s.

Irregardless

What? Irregardless. What? Irregardless! I just caught a doctor from the WHO say "irregardless" on BBC. He wanted to say both "irrespective" and "regardless" at the same time. It happens irregardless of where you come from, no?

Treat Your Hair Like a Football Field

An old man at the barber's shop took one look at me and said, “Son, treat your hair like a football field – optimal level all the time – and not like a sheep’s wanton wool – it grows, you shear it off. That’s the way of a well-groomed man.”

Over-scented Peacocks

Fifty thousand eligible young men exhibited in the City gallery of Accra, hanging around all day, just lounging. We see just their high-decibel clothes, billboard shoes and tonnes of blinding jewellery. Oh, and the wealth (?) they 'madvertise' with oceans of designer fragrance. Did I say “eligible”? Eligible for jail, then.