Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Ciga-Rette The Ogre (Part 5)

Mother, please open the door
Mother, please, I'm filled with dread
Mother, what (a) hideous jaw'
Ma, I'm stalked by Ciga-Rette

Let him take you, Dora
Should have stayed in like Nora
I can't open the door, ah!
For I am filled with horror

Nora, my twin, please open it
God, he reeks so dreadful
Nor' you said we'd never be split
I Swear that I'm remorseful

Let him take you, Dora
Dora, rules ignorer
I can't open the door, ah!
For I am filled with horror

Monday, May 30, 2011

Ciga-Rette The Ogre (Part 4)

Two steps and crouch, three crawls and dart
She snailed the long way home
The clouds wouldn't come slight apart
No light - not cream or chrome

She felt a presence behind her
Each time she turned to look
Not leaf nor breeze nor pall did stir
Although the ground, it shook

It was all more than she could bear
Her little heart did flee
Her legs carried her in a blur
Behind her charged a scree

She was sudd'ly among each street
And alley way she knew
Above the roofs, she saw huge feet
A giant came vaulting through

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Ciga-Rette The Ogre (Part 3)

The ball was fun, the ball was fair
It should have made her merry
But being not supposed to be there
Her joy was not very

The brand new dance moves all were stepped
And new intros were made
A few hearts off their feet were swept
And Dora found a mate

But Dora, she did grow tired
She found a place to rest
Sweet sleep was now what she desired
She made a couch her nest

The loud music had stopped to play
When Dora stirred again
A vacant hall, to her dismay
Was all that did remain

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Ciga-Rette The Ogre (Part 2)

Now, there was a young people's gig
At a neighbouring town hall
Once in a year and always big
It got going at nightfall

Every girl wanted to go
And every boy did too
The threat of wild Ciga-Rette though
Did leave most home and blue

Our Dora did not want to miss
The pleasures of the ball
Dance with a boy; maybe a kiss
She wanted; that was all

She hid some clothes and went to bed
Even before Nora
And when the night was still and dead
She turned a night crawler

Friday, May 27, 2011

Ciga-Rette The Ogre (Part 1)

She lived with her mother and sister
Her name, they called her Dora
In their house, there was no Mister
Just mom and twin sister Nora

Nora was quiet and timid
Never too far from home
Dora, she was intrepid
Precocious, loved to roam

Near their village lived an ogre
And its name was Ciga-Rette
Hideous, hairy in a toga
It was village people it ate

Long, long before nightfall
Young and Old rushed indoors
Windows, doors, they locked them all
As Ciga came stalking outdoors

No, He is Cain!

As seen on a trotro earlier today.

(The Owner, Driver, Driver's Mate and Sprayer all couldn't spell!)

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Mladic, Oprah & Other Random Questions.

Did Ratko Mladic think he'd go scot-free?
Will Africa see another war in Sudan?
Isn't Obama one of the best presidents already?
Will the world really miss Oprah?

Playing for Africa Peace in the City of Accra

On a rain-drenched Accra afternoon, when Michael Essien partly 'bribed' Ghanaians to accept him in their hearts on his return to the Black Stars, and partly put on a spectacle to appeal for peace on the continent, it was so wonderful to see Drogba and Kalusha, Ljunberg and de Jong, Ashley Cole and StepApp all play on the ridiculously sloshed field in a charity match. Somebody wondered why they did not apply to play it in Tripoli or Mogadishu or Abyei.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Unlicensed Firearms in the City of Accra

Just wondering how many unlicensed (and thus untraceable) firearms are floating ‘beneath the radar’ in the city of Accra? They are imported through the ports, right? And the ports have x-ray detectors, right? And the arms go through undetected, right?

Saturday, May 21, 2011

One-Door Cars in the City of Accra

You only need to run your mental fingers over your own body parts to fathom fine specimens of things that come in twos. So I am as bewildered as an oily ‘bofrot’ as to how so many Ghanaians can conspire to call a car with only 1 door on each side a ‘one-door’. Fyi, the ‘culprits’ are not only taxi drivers but also people who ought to know better. Or is it that Accraians think in terms of pairs.

(Bofrot = a sugary, deep-fried flour ball)

Friday, May 20, 2011

Brand Spanking New in the City of Accra

For a long time, during the dark days of mean military machismo, everybody was too scared of unspeakable ‘horribles’ to own a car as fresh as a daisy. In any case, very few possessed the moolah to buy a brand new auto. These days are different – it’s sunny. Many people can, and do, buy ‘wheels’ wrapped in a box. Then, they cruise the city in it for at least 365 days with the seats still rubber-wrapped to prove it is new. Ridiculous!

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Give Me A Break

Office mate picks up the phone vexed. It is his “little” cousin, he says. But his “little” cousin is 22, and she wants him to “sponsor” her birthday party. He does not know what put it in her coconut that he had “silly” money to splurge. He tells her to “give me a break” but confesses to me that he knows she would phone-molest him one thousand more times, anyway.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

The Still-Vexed Question of 10%

There’s really no oil in the Western Region of Ghana, but the oceanic oilfields float off the western coast dragging damage over its terra firma. There being ten regions in Ghana, it sounds like a no-brainer that the Western Region should receive ten percent of Ghana’s oil revenue. But I’ve never been impressed by such ‘duh-rithmetic’.

Monday, May 16, 2011

Getting the News in the City of Accra

Most people in Accra are no longer served the news in a spreadsheet print on a plate. Just like their food, they like their news fast. Enter the radio and the internet. Although I learnt of Osama bin Laden’s death via twitter, I admit the surest we can hope for (for the internet folk) is myjoyonline or ghanaweb. So, how do you get your Ghana news?

Friday, May 13, 2011

The African Dream

I bumped into an old acquaintance at a public lecture tonight. Since he appeared to be doing super all right in his affairs, the topic of income was soon incoming. He boasted that he was living the Ghanaian Dream. I had never heard that phrase before.

Hmm. So the American Dream means you can start modest and work hard to achieve wealth or anything in America. What would be your 2-line version of the African [or substitute your particular African country] Dream?

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Nice, Clean, No-Bribes Ghana?

Have you tried getting a passport in Ghana? Or registering a company at the Companies Registry? Or simply entering the country through the Airport? Or driving through a police checkpoint after 10 pm? Everyday things we do and have to pay more than the official amount for (mind you there is no official fee at all for driving through a police checkpoint on the way home). So do not tell me here that Ghana is the least bribe-taker in West Africa. Cold comfort that.

Monday, May 9, 2011

Living Close Together in the City of Accra

South neighbour’s cooking Rice-Water for breakfast again. East neighbour’s warming her palm soup – at 5.55 am, would you believe? She’s a single girl living alone. I can tell by the unchanging sound of clicking heels the same split seconds apart every day. She cooked the soup during last night’s storm. I’ve never seen her, but I know she’s short because the heels never slip off. West neighbour’s sousing himself in his strong fragrance again. I wonder why he’s wearing his Tuesday-and-Thursday scent on this Monday morning. North neighbours are a little far off. The street divides their line from mine. At 6 am, the wife starts her Corolla – never 6.01 or 5.59, I’ve checked. The husband won’t come about for a little longer. Luckily, I’ll be long gone before his daily sinus evacuation starts at 6.15 – 6.20.

Semi-detached little houses huddling together. Anthropology.

Friday, May 6, 2011

Moonlight in Boxes for Sale in the City of Accra

There are two classes of cheap charlatans creeping and crawling in Accra these days. First,the ‘locals’ who pretend to possess skills they really don’t have. Second, the ‘returnees’ who profess expertise they only saw others do back in the West, and think they can return to Africa and do the same (after all, the standards are low and nobody would find them out).

I hate both groups of people. I’ve heard one call himself a designer and call a local furniture maker with tasteful proficient finishing a carpenter. I've seen the work of both, and the carpenter trumps the artificer.

I am tired – and I’m sure I’m not alone – of so many so-called professionals in (or returning to) Ghana who remind me of an elephant trying to pick up a coin from the floor – bungling fools. It’s more painful to have a professional mess a job than a dabbler-struggler to admit from the start that they are only ‘trying their hands at it.’

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Driving Mad-Maxly in the City of Accra *

A mindless, maniacal trotro (minibus) driver was marauding up the under-construction Spintex Road last night. He manoeuvred morbidly around my mild-mannered Maxine (my car) and left me in the wake of his soot. Not many moments later, the minibus was clobbered by a boulder and meanly mangled. I made mighty sure to honk to catch the attention of the pterodactyl that was driving it. When he it looked at me, I gave him it the Idiot’s Salute and whizzed Maxine past.

*I'll explain yesterday's post soon.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

My Final Blog Post...

So, I got a mathematician friend to calculate how much time I’d save for myself (and my other interests) every day if I stopped blogging. Answer: a whopping 60 minutes.

Then I got a psycho-something friend to promise to help me with the withdrawal symptoms that are sure to happen. She says there’s no chance of depression.

And I got a priest friend ... nope, I lied – I’ve no priest friends.

Then I got a psychic friend to tell me through a crystal ball why I was inexplicably (to myself) quitting blogging. And she told me it was because I had rediscovered an old ‘love’. And since that old love could bring more money than blogging ever could...

Then I got a follower of my blog to tell me the truth that this blog would be missed for only one week, and then it would be forgotten ‘no sweat’.

I wonder if this is a good enough final post...

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Mythical Creatures

So, if you are all so sure of whether a Sea Horse is real or mythical, how about each of you mention a different (well-known) mythical creature. Shall we exclude the Yeti, Big Foot and the Loch Ness Monster?