6 Things I'm Looking Forward to This Weekend

The creative-writing workshop on Saturday

Hanging out with Lil Girl each day

Hanging out with MsUnderstood on Saturday

Nani's birthday on Saturday

Writing Ch. 4 of my open secret

Sleeping in the daytime on Sunday

Exotic Cranberry Juice

I spilt a dollop of liquid soap in my juice jar. Before you think I was washing it, it was an accident. The problem with the soap in there was the cranberry was already there. Not expecting visitors, and working eighteen hours for money, I put the cap back on and poured myself a glass. The rest went into the fridge. It’s turning out to be exotic cranberry juice.

Reflections on the Arrest of an Infamous Criminal

I see two cops walking down the street. They stop to help a crying child. They cross the street with an old man. They stop a loafer to ask questions. They blow on a whistle and run in the direction of trouble. They arrest a pickpocket and push him into a waiting car. They caution a driver who’s driving too fast, and arrest another who took the hard shoulder. They hand over at five, and another pair takes over. As I go home, I see a bigger group patrolling my area, in the outskirts. I drive leisurely. I feel safe.

Not in Ghana. I wake up from my dream. Not the Ghana Police. Many of these things do not even take money to do!

Insist That The Police Do Their Work Well

I cannot tell whether the British structured our police force to be automatons carrying out orders instead of investigative thinkers. Case in point: a road accident is reported. They charge you with a provisional offence (couch investigations). Then they ask you to go away while they investigate. How could they have charged you with a provisional offence without even going to the scene of the accident? Mtcheew! It is our civic duty to insist on a high standard of professionalism from the police. Do not be afraid of them. Remember, the more they bully you, the more mistakes they make. The more procedures they breach. Keep your calm. Speak the truth. If they have done a shoddy job, the law will come to your aid (in court). I HAVE YET TO SEE A MORE PATHETIC SIGHT THAN A BUNGLING COP IN COURT.

Learning 'Oil & Gas'

In the greasy history of the Third World and oil, who normally benefits from the commodity? Why are so many learning 'oil & gas'? Black gold? Mtcheew! Try fool's gold!

Shoppers’ Shame

With just a bottle of body lotion in our hand, Lil Girl and I chose the shortest queue. It was not to be the quickest. A lost-looking man and his paying wife had bought a thousand little things which took some tallying. When the shop assistant said “175 Ghana Cedis”, he took off his purely gentrifying glasses, and checked the screen of the register himself. He broke into sweat for his wife had just 135. Between turning away and searching her frowning face, he spent two minutes looking like an Ass, and wasting our time (well, he did not, for everyone in the queue was laughing hard and freely). I’ll never understand two things. Why could they not do a rough tally of prices? Why could they not take out stuff when the amount was too high? After a while, he took a note from this pocket and another from that pocket until he got the 400. And then they slunk out of there, surely vowing never to return (or at least not with each other).

The Lies of Talent Shows

I read an article somewhere that Ghanaian comedian David Oscar couldn’t laugh even if tickled by a girl with a donkey face and tail, and callused human hands. It said that he approaches his stagecraft with similar sterility. I’ve seen him once or twice. He was painful, artificial. He did not even crease the corners of my mouth (unless you count my wincing).

It’s got me thinking about talent shows. It was such a contest that unearthed buried David in the limelight, although both he and the audience had Botox faces every week for nine. It’s been downright downhill since then. The question: do you have talent because so-called talent judges on a sponsorship-selling TV show say you do? Or must your work plead its own case?

As for David, I think the article writer was too hard on him. He does have a funny face when he appears on stage and begins to look self-important. If only he would hold it there and prance about without uttering a word!