Ghana’s Feckless Football Flops

I tell you, you must have proven intellectual or mental ability in order to successfully manage a government, a business, a project, an office or even a football team. Achieving more-than-fifty-percent successful outcomes doesn’t come from natural skill, former success, glib talk or pointless nationalism.

Therefore, the old Ghanaian footballers who have retired and cannot point to one successful business, or project or social campaign or coaching should shut the frigging, fetid, frigid F up and leave the national football team to proven performers be they Polish, Polynesian, Tasmanian or Tajik.

It takes supreme self-discipline to be empty and not make noise!

FOR THE RECORD, CITIZENSHIP IS NOT ENOUGH QUALIFICATION FOR ANYTHING! 

Owor Mpo Wo Girl*

A nugget I stumbled upon today. A bus-load of young agriculturists was on a field trip. They got to gang-teasing one of the boys about being single. Apparently, he could not talk to a girl. They said, “Owor mpo wo girl na wo” (to wit: even a snake has a girl; poor you).

I wondered how they knew that even a snake had a girl? Then the answer bit me at the heels - haven’t you ever seen a baby snake?

(Picture credit - radio-weblogs.com)

*Even a snake has a girl.

Teacher is Hanging

A teacher is playing Verb-Charades with his eight-year old pupils. He goes down on all fours, and they shout, “Teacher is crawling, teacher is crawling.”

He gets up off his hands and they scream, “Teacher is crouching, teacher is crouching.”

He stands up, and they yell, “Teacher is standing, teacher is standing.”

He starts bobbing on the spot, and they call out, “Teacher is jumping, teacher is jumping.”

From here, things take a macabre turn. The passion of the moment seizes the teacher, and he feels he must outdo himself to please his pupils. He puts a table in the middle of the classroom, just under the fan. Take stands on it and takes off his belt. He makes a noose and puts it around his neck.

As the teacher mimics a hanging man, the pupils break into the refrain, “Teacher is hanging, teacher is hanging.”

The teacher starts to dance to the rhythm of the pupils’ chants. He sways this way and that. He gyrates a bit too hard, and the table collapses under his feet. The children love it – their teacher can act so real!

Outside in the other classrooms, the teachers become a bit worried. The refrain, “Teacher is hanging” has been going on for ten minutes, and the devilment of the pupils is rising into a frenzy.

“Teacher is hanging, teacher is hanging”

When the other teachers run into the classroom, the teacher hangs dead from the ceiling fan!

(Picture credit - blogs.pitch.com)

Off-Screen Rivalry in the City of Accra (1)

Unhealthy rivalry can be wholesome. I see it unfolding in the movie industry. On their birthday, each ‘star’ adopts a charity to splurge on. Then, Affronted-Next-Friend-Competitor floors, licks and outshines them on their birthday. At the end of each year, the orphans savoured a banquet, the lepers were doted on in a day, and the rural kids relished a pledged, newly built classroom block.

Will the celebs continue one-upping one another next year, and the next, and the next? Why won’t one of them pay off the debt of the Tema Oil Refinery? Why won’t a second finish the Accra-Kumasi Road? Why won’t a third fix the inter-city rail that we so need in Accra? They believe that they have the clout to pull it off, no?

Anti-Farting Laws

So there’s a bill in parliament making ‘fouling the air’ an offence. One senior judge thinks it means go to the toilet if you need to “pui” or “tui” or “fuish”. Another thinks it simply is against air pollution. I say it even extends to dirty and smelly clothes and armpits (in the cities). However, this debate is very far away from Ghana. What do you think about this?

(Picture credit - munfitnessblog.com)