Monday, April 21, 2008

Security my Donkey

Heritage Tower, Ridge. The tallest building in the City of Accra? I have fascinating yarns about pretty, forbidding women in its stodgy, deviant lifts, the queer nasal taste of unwashed humanity and the loathsome car park.

There, a shrimp of a security guard jumped over a dwarf wall (almost his height) near the ATM, where I was standing. In utter disbelief, I preached “I didn’t imagine you would do that!” The insane imp thought I was applauding his Olympic feat, and encouraged me with gold-medal vanity, “You can also do it.”

Of course, I was struck speechless. What do you say to a dwarfish dunce you have employed to keep thieves away, when the villainous employee is showing them the easiest way in? I realised he had to have come through the unending chaos of cars behind the violated fence. I hurried off to try all the doors of mine, taking my time terribly in order that he’d see my intended insult.

Then, I crept up the stairs into the building, counting every step in turn like a true gentleman should.

8 comments:

  1. lol. this is a hilarious piece, the amusing bit, being 'you can do it too, i can imagine the sheepish look on his face as he says somethin as hilarious as that.

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  2. Lol. The look on his face was more assinine than sheepish. You got the wrong animal. :-)

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  3. I'm so glad you finally wrote about this incident. Your snobbery shines through beautifully in this comic piece.

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  4. I forgot I was with Maya when this circus happened. Snobbery, Maya? :)

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  5. I suspect your intended insult was lost on him since it appears too dignified and complex for his comprehension

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  6. I suspect you're right. Maybe, then, my reaction was for the personal satisfaction of feeling morally or culturally superior to him. Bad words for a good thing I am trying to say. :-)

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  7. you can also do it. haha. that made me laugh out loud. Funniest entry i've read from you yet:)

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