The sun still throws a warm glow
And the stars, glint and glitter
The birds chirrup each dawn
And the days are lotused with laughter
A friendship buds like a Portland Rose
Will it blossom on this social side,
Or bloom across The Besotted Line?
There’s love in Friendship and friendship in Love
And then, there is Love, and there is Friendship.
I LOVE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
ReplyDeleteI like the idea - gray areas are always interesting - but have two suggestions:
ReplyDelete1. Move around the last sentence for better effect i.e. "And then there is friendship, and there is love." So we are kind of left with the love. :-)
2. Also, is it possible to ease up on the clichés in the first half of the poem or are sun, stars and birds all there for effect?
Beautiful! Cliches? Love in itself is cliche, not an entirely pleasant thought but true. Which is why its what it is; its old and used and battered and flung across and through the ages, but that's why its so special, and that's why only cliches can apture its essence. "lotused with laughter"; how long does it take you to think up such beautiful things? :)
ReplyDeletebeatiful work by a beautiful mind...
ReplyDeletewat hapins 2 lav wen friendship grows cold?
ReplyDelete*wink* lool...long tym
Keep feeling the hunger for poetry, please. This poem is soft and uplifting. I like it.
ReplyDelete@Kajsa, to your first point, your suggestion supposes that love is greater than friendship and therefore deserves to linger in our minds after we read the poem. If this is Nana Yaw's own belief as well, then he needs to do exactly as you have suggested. However if he's rooting for friendship more than love, then his poem should end as it does now. Typical case of "whose story" is this poem? Love or Friendship? Even though the title makes one believe this poem is a story about both, there are more lines about friendship than about love. So within that context, the poem ends appropriately.
ReplyDeleteHm, i go with the comment above me.
ReplyDeleteLove the poem bro.