Heritage Tower, Ridge. The tallest building in the City of Accra? I have fascinating yarns about pretty, forbidding women in its stodgy, deviant lifts, the queer nasal taste of unwashed humanity and the loathsome car park.
There, a shrimp of a security guard jumped over a dwarf wall (almost his height) near the ATM, where I was standing. In utter disbelief, I preached “I didn’t imagine you would do that!” The insane imp thought I was applauding his Olympic feat, and encouraged me with gold-medal vanity, “You can also do it.”
Of course, I was struck speechless. What do you say to a dwarfish dunce you have employed to keep thieves away, when the villainous employee is showing them the easiest way in? I realised he had to have come through the unending chaos of cars behind the violated fence. I hurried off to try all the doors of mine, taking my time terribly in order that he’d see my intended insult.
Then, I crept up the stairs into the building, counting every step in turn like a true gentleman should.