He's a cool-looking dude. I can almost see the silver spoon in his mouth. I can see the 'uppity' in his face and all, except he needs the 7-minute workout. He plonks on the seat next to me in business class and kicks off his shoes. Strike one. When the stewardess shuffles over to us, she sounds genuinely like she's from Southern Africa. She asks if I'd like some tea, hot chocolate, coffee or juice. I say juice. She says she has pineapple, apple and 'mengo'. I choose 'mengo'. Seat-mate has already snoozed off. She wakes him up and repeats the 'mengo' speech. Then he asks, 'Don't you have minerals?' Strike two. She's lost; I'm shocked. Were we in 1985? He goes on, 'Like Coke, Mirinda...' That's strike three. She shakes her head. He whines, 'I don't like those hot things.' So he picks pineapple.
Saturday, May 25, 2013
Thursday, May 16, 2013
Poor Mother of Poor Twins
The sex was unlawful - sixteen year olds can't have legal sex in Ghana - and poorly executed (unprotected). I guess she didn't feel like a child then. The twins are lovely bundles of joy as children should be, except they're just one bundle! Suddenly their mother is a child; not mature enough to accept other children (her children) as they are. Then, again, I wonder if I'd be different.
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
Early Early Birds in the City of Accra
Is there still such a thing as stirring early at 7 am in Accra? The traffic has wrought wise owls of us all. We've had to push forward leave-nest time by 15 minutes every 6 months for the past 10 years. Now I wake up at silly-goose hour. The city flies the coop when a subway is suggested, and we're all chicken-livered at the idea of bicycles. But why should we ride and be a sitting duck for the trotro-bus to peck our limbs off? They swoop around the city as the crow flies. By the time the city authorities get their ducks in one row, the early-bird worm will wriggle out at 2 am.
Thursday, May 9, 2013
How the Military Assaulted, Non-Assaulted, then Un-Assaulted a Journo
When you blow a cloud of dust on my face, or spill a cup of water down
my back, tickle my pits, dribble your forefinger down my cheek, or trickle
melted chocolate on my chest while I’m asleep, without my consent, you have
assaulted me in law. So when videos went viral of Ghanaian G.I.s (hyperbole
alert!) choke-holding, hammer-locking, strong-shoving and face-tossing a
pussycat journo on Independence Day, I joined to shout the ‘shame’ refrain. And when the military opened Ostrich investigations, called as many as zero witnesses
and played possum with the raw, stripped, naked truth, I dog-pissed on their decency.
What did they go and do? They went to say sorry. I accept; I hope the victim
does too.
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
Kantamanto - A Reason for a Fire
I recently favourited a tweet by @Be_Wisdom: “Surburbia
is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after
them ~ Bill Vaughan”. Some developer or interloper whooshed a flame through a tin-and-wood
Central-Accra market that's crowded thick as fleas. The police won’t find the
arsonist. I suspect strongly that the cinders are intended to make way for the
construction of a capitalist, concrete-architectural crime-scene (how else to
describe the explosive sprout of sterile office and apartment blocks in the
least-green city that I know?). These traders are squatters in most of these
settlements – we all know that; but usually squatters on governmental no-man’s
land; permitted to settle for a decade or two or three. After the cinders, the
riots, the cracked skulls, the lies, the justifications and the public loss of
interest, a hideous and humongous habitat will hulk over the land that was
known as Kantamanto.
Friday, May 3, 2013
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
German Football Highs & Other Random Questions
Will all German teams now score 4 goals in their sleep?
Does live tv make court proceedings better?
Will Luiz Suarez grow up at last?
Will Apple's fortunes go down forever?
Does live tv make court proceedings better?
Will Luiz Suarez grow up at last?
Will Apple's fortunes go down forever?
Friday, April 5, 2013
MPs' Pay & Other Random Questions
Do our MPs really identify with us?
Will Hillary Clinton 2016 happen after all?
Will the government buckle to the doctors or lecturers first?
Who does the thinking for the National Service Secretariat?
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
Illegal Chinese Miners & Other Random Questions
Who else will go on strike tomorrow?
Will the lights be on when I get home today?
How many guinea fowls will GHS47m buy?
Will China lend money to Ghana again?
Will the lights be on when I get home today?
How many guinea fowls will GHS47m buy?
Will China lend money to Ghana again?
Friday, March 22, 2013
Blogcamp 13...is about Tilapia
Nobody can regale you with the savoury story of how to 'tooth' the char-grilled
flesh off the skeletal frame of the Piscean, Tilapia, better than a
Ghanaian/Ghana-resident. That’s why I blog; I know the pulse of Ghana; I sing her
song.
Blogcamp 12 was a platter of soft-cooked Banku with devilish dollops
of sweet pepper, shito and Kpakpo, and a greasy pound of queen tilapia tiara’ed
with tomatoes and golden onions. A palette of pleasant people; soul-stirring storytellers
looking for an audience with eager palates.
So what will 13 be like? Come Saturday, come hungry for fun.
Thursday, March 21, 2013
Social Media
Year - twenty thirteen
Samsung - Tech Queen
Hangout - Facebook/Twitter
Reason - Flirt with not one jitter
Others? - Those mental dances
Pay-off - Network it enhances
Samsung - Tech Queen
Hangout - Facebook/Twitter
Reason - Flirt with not one jitter
Others? - Those mental dances
Pay-off - Network it enhances
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
You No Go Sort Me Out?
‘Chale, I dey go house wey my fuel short. Make you sort me out.’
Impetuous, inane, puerile ... thing; moulding pie with putrid hubris
for filling. Demanding dough with a sense of entitlement. I stone-face him, power
up the window and cruise down Spintex Road.
‘Oh, you no go sort me out?’ he barks.
He does not say ‘please’ once. In my rear-view mirror, he’s already trudging
up Spintex Road.
Sunday, March 10, 2013
I Don't Know What to Say
Are you saying somebody will find 100 Cedis and give it to the anti-social person? Are you really trying to stop a bad habit?
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
Flower Girl in the City of Accra
At Ridge, where Gamel Nasser Avenue deceives to fly over the Police
HQ, I watched a tight, green, Afric-fabric frock ‘hallmarked’ with delightful
petals...on a milk-choc mannequin on the move. Loose, flair-sleeves, rich-blue,
florid frills like garlands on the neck. Sitting on her body like the
immaculate skin of a flawless fruit. Frivolously creased at the hamper-hips,
where the dress rode up. Why did she have to go and tug it downwards? Our
little love affair was quickly done.
Monday, March 4, 2013
Chewing-Stick
I do it in private, not caring that
it’s become a scorned ex-lover since the 1950s. On Saturdays, after Colgate and
Listerine, I pull out a hard, light, chewable, juice-releasing stick of Tweapea,
and sweep its budding bitterness over every milky spot of enamel. The flavouring
flourishes into a fine, addictive tang. And teeth have never stood with more integrity
after such tender care.
Saturday, March 2, 2013
A Galaxy of Clothiers in the City of Accra
This threadbare city supplies its
own golden gifts. Clothiers, clusters of them, in kiosks are hung on the corner
of every street. Caftans, kabas and cardigans; suits, skirts and slits; jumpers,
jackets, jumpsuits and jeans; they make them all. Frocks, tunics and pajamas too. And there’s a tailor/dressmaker for every epoch, pocket and preference. Only
downside, your clothes will be ready in two weeks or three or six; it all
means the same thing to them.
Friday, March 1, 2013
No More Ice Cream in the City of Accra
There is no AC/DC in the city of
Accra. Electrons don’t crackle through our coils. There is no mint chocolate
chip, lemon custard, raspberry ripple. No strawberry or vanilla. It’s difficult
to know who to electrocute with ten thousand volts of blame (if you can find one volt, that is). Our city is hot and chock-full with hordes of idiots. Bubble
gum, pistachio almond, blueberry cheesecake, egg nog, daiquiri ice, Neapolitan!
There’s no frigging frost in your Frigidaire to keep the ‘ice’ gellid in your ‘cream’.
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Ghana's Brand-New Bastille
Electricity, water, fuel, crime, traffic jams, corruption. Right now, Ghana feels like a big, brand-new Bastille.
Thursday, February 14, 2013
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